Every man is going to be something. Be a Southern gentleman.

For The Ladies (and Gentlemen)

Over the years, I have received several emails from ladies wanting tips on how and where to find a Southern gentleman. Southern gentlemen are few and far-between in today’s society, and ladies who want what marriage should be, who want a husband who will honor and cherish her and treat her like his queen, will be looking for a way to meet them. That is exactly how it should be, and those Southern gentlemen are certainly looking for those same Southern ladies. There is no magic formula to make this happen, but perhaps we can pass along a few ideas that may help. The following is what I have come up with after talking with other Southern gentlemen and ladies. As I write this, I think in terms of what I would tell my daughter if I had one; instead, this will have to wait until my two granddaughters are older.


It’s not just for business. Like much of life, success often hinges on making personal connections who can make introductions, and the more connections you have, the more likely you are to find who you are looking for. Look for married couples who most closely exhibit the kind of life you are looking for and get to know them. People tend to know and socialize with others like themselves. People also like to help their friends. Have patience.


Outward Appearance
Spend a few minutes at your local grocery store and notice how the women dress. In a world where so many women are wearing pants or shorts rather than a dress, a T-shirt rather than a modest blouse, and “flip-flops” rather than shoes, it is very easy for a lady to dress well and stand out from the crowd. A lady wearing a modest dress or skirt that extends at least below the knees sets herself apart from the crowd. You can’t be like the world if you want to set yourself apart from the world.

The objective is to make it apparent that you are a lady, and a lady is one who tries to keep her body and her mind pure. Tattoos and body piercings send just the opposite message. Gentlemen looking for a bride go through a filtering process. Tattoos and body piercings (other than pierced ears for tasteful earrings) are filtered out right from the start. If you don’t have tattoos, vow to yourself that you will never, ever get any. If you have already made that mistake, consider going through the process of having them removed or at least make sure that they are always covered. We all make mistakes, and most gentlemen will have a great deal of respect for anyone who makes the effort to fix their mistakes.


Fishermen know that if they want to catch fish, they need to go where the fish are and where the other fishermen aren’t. Finding a Southern gentleman is no different. Would a Southern gentleman hang out at a bar to meet women? No, of course not, and neither should you. Would a Southern gentleman be active in his local church because he truly worships our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? Yes. That does not mean searching for a church based on whether or not it has an active singles group. If you want to attend church singles events, that’s fine, but realize that any church that has that as a primary focus is a shallow church and is where shallow men will be found. That is not your goal. Find a real church, get involved in that church, and have patience.


Manners, Etiquette, and Life-style
Close attention to manners and etiquette is one of the hallmarks of a Southern lady or gentleman. It is an important part of our culture, and understanding the cultural “rules of the game” will give you self-confidence and identify you as a Southern Belle worthy of the name. Following are a few web sites and blogs that you may find helpful in polishing up the life of a Southern lady:


A few other notes:

  • The use of alcohol or tobacco or drugs is rightly viewed as a vice and as evidence that one is unconcerned about keeping the mind and body pure. Stay away from alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs.
  • Watch your language. The use of profane and obscene language is an immediate turn-off to any gentleman.
  • Watch your language, Part 2 – Be conscious of your grammar and pronunciation. Much of life is about communications, and sloppy grammar and slurring your words together present a very poor image.
  • Be aware of your social media profile – what do the photos say about you? Is the “you” of three years ago the same “you” of today? Probably not. We grow. We mature. Update your profile to show who you are today – and more importantly, who you want to be tomorrow.
  • The traits that a Southern gentleman is looking for are pretty much identical to the traits of a Godly woman. There is a lesson to be learned in that.
  • If all of this sounds too submissive or weak or “Goody Two Shoes” for you, then do yourself and Southern gentlemen a favor and realize that you are not a good match. Southern gentlemen and ladies are both quite rare. There is a reason for that.
  • Be patient. As a Southern lady, you are a cherished prize for a Southern gentleman and are truly worth the wait.


Most of this can be summarized as “A Godly woman, pure in body and mind.”

Ladies? Gentlemen? How would you reply to the same question from a lady looking for a Southern gentleman? Use the “Contact” menu item and let me know. Suggestions that seem to be good advice will be added to this page. I’ll just use your initials or first name to give credit for the suggestions.

Photo credit: National Geographic

Photo credit: National Geographic

Hi. Very helpful. I’d like to share what I look for. As a single lady, here’s some of what I look for in a man, as a potential husband/partner:

1. Basic manners and etiquette. Is he at ease when he uses them or does he seem uncomfortable and somewhat unsure of appropriate manners?

2. His appearance. Are his cloths neat? Does he wear anything beyond t-shirts and sweat pants? Are his hair, mustache, and beard neatly trimmed? Does he have good hygiene practices?

3. Does he smile and laugh? Does he have a pleasant sense of humor?

4. Is he comfortable in his own skin? Is he his authentic self? Is he relaxed and comfortable most of the time (as opposed to being perpetually stressed, late, or too busy)?

5. Is he a “momma’s boy”? Meaning, is he too easily manipulated/controlled by his children, his mother, father, siblings, other family members, or friends? Does he have healthy boundaries with his family and friends?

6. Is he “father” material? Look at his parenting skills, if he has children. If he doesn’t have children, how do you honestly think he’d be as a father, if he were to have children?

7. Is he basically neat, clean and tidy? How does he keep/maintain his house, yard, car and other belongings?

8. How does he treat me? How does he talk to me? Does he respect me? Does he listen to my ideas and opinions? Does he seemed concerned about my happiness and welfare? Does he seem to enjoy being around me? Does he enjoy my company? Do we seem compatible overall?

9. How are his communications skills? Does he have anger issues? Is he hard to talk to?

10. Does he lead a basically healthy lifestyle or does he do lots of unhealthy things like not eating healthy, not getting adequate exercise, smoking/tobacco use, too much alcohol, illegal drugs, or other unhealthy behaviors?

Hope that’s helpful for other single ladies and gentleman…….Nancy